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Monday, June 25, 2007


so back to school didn't go as well as wanted it to. i don't know. found out alot of things, saw alot of things, and.. hated everything. except meeting the rest, like finally. i don't know. i just didn't want things to turn out this way. now what. live on this friendship this way? you gotta be kidding.

so i had no mood. at all. felt bad, not being able to talk when j was around. sorry dear. at least you managed to cheer me up. dinner at cartel with him, and ahh. had a blast. caught up, crapped about anything, and yeah. just talked about anything, just anything. i was feeling rather happy, and we just went for a walk at istana park. let everything out, glad that there was someone to listen.

i just need to cry. cry everything out. but i tell myself i'm stronger than this. stronger than what everyone thinks i am. i wanna be free. free from all these obstacles in life. one that has afected my friendship with the one i really treasure, the one i thought i could look for when i needed help. but no. the teables are turned, i can't do anything more. i can't look at you the way i did before. i can't call you the way i did before. i can't smile, joke and hug you the way i did before. because someone new, someone special, has come into your life, like the speed of lightning. i was shocked, i felt lost. all i could do was to look on and pretend nothing was happening. i couldn't cry, i couldn't scream. i couldn't show i was upset, i just couldn't do anything. my little heart was crying, crying, trying to break through my air passages, to come out free through my eyes as tears. but i had to force it in, i had to keep it in. i just didn't want you to find out the damage you've caused upon my heart. you were precious, and i have no idea how much more time my little heart needs to mend itself. the fact i've gotta see you often just makes it even worst. i know. it's time i let go. but the truth is, you've hurt me more than anyone else has. i don't know why this feeling ever exists, but yeah. i've never liked you enough to think about being together with you, please. please please please, stop thinking i did, stop telling the rest i did. there are others who've lifted me higher than you did. honestly.




you've made me smile. you've made me happy. i just want you to be happy dear. really. seeing you again has just been the best thing that could ever cheer me up. long bus rides, long trips before home. ahh. it's just great to know you're still around for me. <3


sung at 11:09 PM

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